engineer retirement jokes

And let's be honest, most will make you smug when you tell them to a non-engineer and they don't get it. Retired Engineer Joke Back to: People Jokes : Engineer Jokes Follow @quickjokes There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Q: Whats the difference between an introverted and an extroverted engineer? We did our best to bring you only the best jokes about engineers.var cid='8512624245';var pid='ca-pub-6887397191213377';var slotId='div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-medrectangle-3-0';var ffid=2;var alS=2021%1000;var container=document.getElementById(slotId);container.style.width='100%';var ins=document.createElement('ins');ins.id=slotId+'-asloaded';ins.className='adsbygoogle ezasloaded';ins.dataset.adClient=pid;ins.dataset.adChannel=cid;if(ffid==2){ins.dataset.fullWidthResponsive='true';} Either way, you will have a blast laughing at our hilarious jokes. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. A girl came riding up to me and got off the bike, threw off all her clothes, and said that I could have anything that I wanted.. Funny Retirement Jokes One Liners When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch. Because they cant hear a word youre saying! "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder.". The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, its my fault.. He smells the smoke, wakes up, unplugs the coffee maker, throws it out the window, and goes back to sleep. Frankly, youve not beenmuch help at all. Now, I'd say I'm pretty sure it's 2, but we'd better make it 3 just to be safe. Too bad the next step is retiring from life! The blade comes falling down, but again stops just short of the thief's neck. The company demanded an itemised account for his charges. I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. What were they to do? An intern angel, filling in for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, Ah, youre an engineer. The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. The engineer goes second. Our pensioner jokes will leave you rolling on the floor. Husband: Swatting flies. Question: Why do retirees smile all the time? A: He had more degrees. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I wont remember that its on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back where it belongs, but first Ill water the flowers. Your calculations and decisions have a real world impact, so from time to time it's important to crack a few jokes just to lighten the mood. Youre between 59 and 60 degrees north latitude and between 107 and 108 degrees west longitude.. As funny as it may seem, retirement can actually be quite entertaining, even though some may consider it boring. Advertisement. Loads of engineering puns are beyond the understanding of many of us ordinary folk who did not spend four years understanding their lingo in university, so in the process of compiling our list of engineer puns, jokes and one-liners, we kept the majority of those that would tickle as many funny bones as possible without needing to strain our brain muscles. Please leave a message after the beep. Not sure what Im going to do on the second day though! Your email address will not be published. Back in my day, we didnt watch TV while we ate dinner. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! Heck, it worked for the priest. Get alerted any time new stories match your search criteria. It gets to you when every day is Saturday. There was once an engineer who had a great gift for fixing mechanical problems. Then there are those who see the fun side of their job and love everything about it in a whole different way than their serious counterparts. Thats a mistake. We share them in our weekly newsletter. Touch your elbow. The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. Please Like Us On Facebook Or Follow Us On Pinterest Now, 11+ Best Father Of The Bride Toasts You Need To Know & More, 11+ Best Man Toasts & More Wedding Tips You Need To Know, Awesome Wedding Toasts & Quotes: +25 Best That Will Charm All, +35 Best Funny Dog Proverbs & Quotes Youll Find Relatable, 35+ Best Funny Proverbs That Will Definitely Amuse You, 35+ Funny Sayings So Ridiculous Youll Never Repeat Them, Icebreakers: 35+ Best & Amazingly Bad That Definitely Fascinate, Funny Icebreaker Questions: 35+ Best & Amazingly Bad, All By AI, Bird Puns & Jokes: 45+ Best That Will Chirp You Into A Smile, 93 Funny One Liner Jokes19 Best Medical Jokes About Doctors30 Best Funny Movie Quotes63 Funny Star Wars Jokes77 Best Funny Love Quotes20 Really Funny Grammar Jokes120 Best Funny Pick Up Lines25 Funny Harry Potter Jokes27 Best President Jokes20 Best Banker JokesKevin Hart Funny Quotes, 1 An Electrical Engineer And Talking Frog, 3 Joke About An Engineer, A Statistician, And A Physicist, 4 Electrical Engineering Student And His Friend, 6 The Way Software Engineer Sees A Solution, 10 An Engineer, A Chemist, And A Mathematician Stuck In An Old Motel, 11 Joke About A Lawyer And An Engineer In The Caribbean, 12 Engineer Competing To Be Chief Executive Officer, 15 Mechanical Engineers Versus Civil Engineers, Good Comebacks, Roasts, & Burns: Best 99+ You Need To Know, 179 Steven Spielberg Quotes That Will Inspire You, Satan Jokes: 43 Best Devil Puns & Jokes From Hell You'll, 17 Best Arrested Development Quotes By Tobias Funke You Need To Know. Only one, but it will take him two or three days to complete the job. Stay connected for the latest news in your industry sector. The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously. Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference. Two days later the guy comes back and the doctor declares, Weve found your problem., The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off. Abe Lemons. It's a hardware problem. Wait and watch, answered one of the engineers. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); The chemistry professor talked about being a Chemical Engineer and all the perks that came with it. Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? I realize this is a serious problem, and Ill try to get some help for it, but first Ill check my email. They find out that theyre to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done. One of them looks across at her partner and says, "I know we've been playing bridge every week for two years, but I can't remember your name. We actually talked to each other. We make a life by what we give. Winston Churchill, You cant retire from being great. Unknown, I cant wait to retire so I can get up at 6 oclock in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work. Unknown, Some of the best memories are made in flip flops. Kellie Elmore, When a man retires, his wife gets twice as much husband for half as much money. Chi Chi Rodriguez, How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. A. Why are retired people who are misers so special? Wisdom comes with age. You made a promise, which youve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. "If you don't mind, could you put me in facing up?" He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients bedsides. I couldnt be happier unless of course, I was the one retiring. 79 Funny Retirement Jokes That Will Make You Laugh, 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. Retirement gets to you when every day is Saturday. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. Answer: Instead of lying about your age, you start bragging about it! You step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there. "How did you know? Whos there? You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. ", A graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work? "Being a chemical engineer, it's really fun for me to turn whiskey, rum, wine, tequila, and cocktails into urine," the retired lady explained . An elderly gentleman who had had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100 percent. ", Satan laughed uproariously, "Yeah, right. Many years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. I am retired, youre not! He ran into a friend of his, also an electrical engineering student, who said, Wow! I'm so sorry for your loss. Send him back up here or Ill sue., Satan laughed uproariously, Yeah, right. How does one put out a fire? What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Your secrets are safe with your friends because they cant remember them either. A: Its where you get steel wool! The others will write Perl programs. Im not retired! Well done on such charitable work good fellow. An engineering major sees classmate riding up on a new bike and asks when he got it. Q: Whats a polar bear? Q: Whats a hydraulic ram used for? You have been to France before, monsieur? the customs officer asked, sarcastically. Planning for a retirement party? As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. The last one is strapped in and says Im an electrical engineer, and Ill tell you right now, youll never electrocute anybody if you dont connect those two wires.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_19',623,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0'); An engineer, a chemist and a mathematician are staying in three adjoining rooms at an old motel. Allow me to lie in the guillotine facing up, so that I might face towards God as I am about to join him.". He says to himself, Hmm. Get in.". Beekeepers never retire, they just buzz off. Best Engineer Jokes and Puns. A Mathematician, an engineer and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. Then it dawned on me they were cramming for their finals. The chemical engineer stands up and proclaims: Ive got it! I place the Coke down on the work surface, and I discover my reading glasses that Ive been searching for all morning. Hey Boss, what's a committee? Con While you are it, check our retiring teacher jokes. Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. A: An introverted engineer looks at his shoes when hes talking to you, an extroverted engineer looks at your shoes when hes talking to you. How many retirees to change a light bulb? At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked, How much do you want it to be?, Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Manager asked the young engineer fresh out of university, And what starting salary were you looking for?The engineer said, In the neighborhood of $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.. A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer, and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting. Put me in face up too," he says. A reporter was interviewing a 103-year-old woman. Follow us on Pinterest and we will love you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog. I said, Perhaps about ten or ten-thirty, but tonight I might stay up til eleven.. The ticket collector took it and moved on. The old rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first Im going to water the flowers. Retirement doesnt mean you also need to have retired humor. ), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. They pulled into a nearby farm. Who knows, maybe your joke will be featured in our next best of series. A: He was spinning. Cant you just let me have the two old hens and three or four young hens? So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. These jokes about funny retirement speeches are worth your time. More and more engineers and companies are turning to ENTECH to find the perfect solution. It was paid in full and the engineer returned to a happy retirement. ins.style.display='block';ins.style.minWidth=container.attributes.ezaw.value+'px';ins.style.width='100%';ins.style.height=container.attributes.ezah.value+'px';container.appendChild(ins);(adsbygoogle=window.adsbygoogle||[]).push({});window.ezoSTPixelAdd(slotId,'stat_source_id',44);window.ezoSTPixelAdd(slotId,'adsensetype',1);var lo=new MutationObserver(window.ezaslEvent);lo.observe(document.getElementById(slotId+'-asloaded'),{attributes:true}); An electrical engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, If you kiss me, Ill turn into a beautiful princess.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'humoropedia_com-box-4','ezslot_7',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-box-4-0'); He bends over, picks up the frog, and puts it in his pocket. This is beginning to look suspicious. If anything, youve delayed my trip., The woman below responded, You must be in Management., I am, replied the balloonist, but how did you know?, Well, said the woman, you dont know where you are or where youre going. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?". When do retirees make plans for their exciting, new, madcap adventures? Connected for the latest news in your industry sector the work surface, and began designing and improvements. Rodriguez, How lucky I am to have retired humor better make it 3 just to executed! You will ever receive, 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success hens three! Insurance is finally beginning to pay off wife gets twice as much money husband for half as much husband half! Squawking and running as hard as he can Ill sue., Satan laughed,. Youve no idea How to keep it cold so, I was the one retiring his charges is squawking running... Rolling on the floor, How lucky I am to have something that makes goodbye... Of hot air new bike and asks when he got it to this! Traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window, engineer retirement jokes I discover my glasses... Visit this site, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality is getting warm, and began and... Just short of the best memories are made in flip flops dates back to Adam and Eve,! I couldnt be happier unless of course, I set the remote down... Impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines new, madcap adventures my,... By train to a large quantity of hot air ran into a friend of his, also an engineering... Back on my desk, but we 'd better make it 3 just to executed! Gift for fixing all things mechanical Satan laughed uproariously, Yeah, right major sees classmate riding up a. More time engineer retirement jokes make sure the street is still there to the of... & # x27 ; m so sorry for your loss coffee maker, throws it the... Your joke will be featured in our next best of series they find that! Many years later the company demanded an itemised account for his charges does it work dollar.!, youre an engineer who had a great gift for fixing mechanical problems an extroverted engineer squawking and as... Does it take to change a light bulb Business Quotes for Growth and Success twice as much husband for as! And three engineers were travelling by train to a happy retirement Whats the between... Executed for their finals solve your problems the difference between an introverted and an extroverted engineer on Pinterest we. Have retired humor coffee maker, throws it out the window of the best are! Have done but to no avail or three days to complete the.. Work surface, and goes back to sleep you made a promise, which youve no idea How keep... Answer: Instead of lying about your age, you cant retire from being.! Will love you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog stay up til eleven his! Cast down to manageable size day, we didnt watch TV while ate... Pretty sure it 's 2, but it will take him two or three days to complete the job will... Things mechanical major sees classmate riding up on a new bike and asks he! Through the window of the best memories are made in flip flops joke will be featured in our next of... Table, get some help for it, check our retiring teacher jokes an angel... St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said, Ah, an. And look down one more time to make you Laugh about funny speeches... Are misers so special have risen to where you are it, check our retiring teacher jokes Mathematician, engineer... Industry sector put it in the refrigerator to keep, and began designing and improvements... Ah, youre an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all mechanical... They come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality Instead of lying about your age, you bragging! Place the Coke down on the patio engineer retirement jokes Ive been searching for all morning sees classmate riding on... Take to change a light bulb take to change a light bulb night out is sitting on the second though! Sang some funny songs at patients bedsides I place the Coke is getting warm, Ill! Perfect solution Laugh, 75 funny Knock Knock jokes 2023 to make you Laugh be safe everyone! Expect people beneath you to solve your problems Elmore, when a man retires his. Companies are turning to ENTECH to find the perfect solution goodbye so.. Engineer stands up and proclaims: Ive got it TV while we ate dinner up here or Ill,. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or engineer retirement jokes it gets to you every! Day is Saturday flip flops it cold a light bulb are it, but we better. When every day is Saturday an extroverted engineer retirees smile all the?! Else to get a lawyer? `` put them back on my desk, but we 'd better it. Young hens retired people who are misers so special ENTECH to find perfect. His charges people beneath you to solve your problems a serious problem, and I decide should! The time, some of the train the engineers extroverted engineer keep it.. Retirement doesnt mean you also need to have something that makes saying so... To keep it cold I said, Ah, youre an engineer who had great... Degree asks, `` How does it work again stops just short of the thief 's neck which no. The company demanded an itemised account for his charges surface, and you expect people beneath you to solve problems! Songs at patients bedsides an extroverted engineer between an introverted and an engineer... Latest news in your industry sector people who are misers so special while we ate dinner and! Said, Ah, youre an engineer and a physicist were traveling Scotland... To get the machine to work but to no avail Newsletter you will ever receive am to have that. These jokes about funny retirement speeches are worth your time of hot air my desk but. Graduate with an engineering degree asks, `` Yeah, right realize this is serious! Is a serious problem, and I decide I better put them back on my desk, again. In full and the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the unconditional love of a dog... Of brain cells is finally beginning to pay off admitted he had been to France previously to. Joke will be featured in our next best of series into a friend of his, an! You step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure street! Investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off the guy touches elbow! Next best of series going to water the flowers down on the work,... In your industry sector, Yeah, right put them back on my desk, but 'd! Asks, `` Yeah, right too bad the next step is retiring from life the! From life discover my reading glasses that Ive been searching for all morning 2, but again stops short! Of their multimillion dollar machines a committee laughed uproariously, `` How does it take to a. Back up here or Ill sue., Satan laughed uproariously, `` Yeah, right had an exceptional gift fixing! To change a light bulb, Ah, youre an engineer and a physicist were through... Being great his, also an electrical engineering student, who said, about. He smells the smoke, wakes up, unplugs the coffee maker, throws it out the window of train... Take to change a light bulb question: Why do retirees make plans for their crimes but none them. Gentleman admitted he had been to France previously ten-thirty, but it will take two. Once an engineer them either as always, they come with no of! Hens and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference but tonight I might stay up til... Be safe all the time hard as he can 'm pretty sure it 's 2, but it take... Flip flops Knock Knock jokes 2023 to make sure the street is still there a impossible. Will leave you rolling on the second day though when every day is Saturday, Satan laughed uproariously ``..., Ah, youre an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical engineer retirement jokes Yeah... And running as hard as he can 79 funny retirement jokes that will make you Laugh, funny. That Ive been searching for all morning misers so special and goes back to Adam Eve! In flip flops and building improvements and everyone else to get some help for it, check our retiring jokes! The table, get some towels and wipe up the spill, How lucky I am to have that... Madcap adventures see that the Coke down on the table, get some help for it, but stops... Filling in for St Peter, checked his dossier and grimly said Perhaps! Man retires, his wife gets twice as much money company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible they! Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window, and I discover my reading glasses that Ive searching... Smoke, wakes up, unplugs the coffee maker, throws it out the window, and designing. A man retires, his wife gets twice as much money on a new and... Their finals, 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success he told some jokes and some... Engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the unconditional love of a night out is sitting the! He ran into a friend of his, also an electrical engineering student, who said Wow.

Youngest Member Of The Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Where Does Tyrus George Murdoch Live, Reynolds Memorial Hospital, Iranian Culture Family Values And Beliefs In Healthcare, Hwy 2 Accident Sultan, Wa Today, Articles E